Couples

I work with couples using a style called Emotionally Focused Therapy. This looks at the pattern of conflict a couple find themselves in and the roles they play within it e.g. one person could be the pursuer who attacks, while the other is the withdrawer who defends, setting up a vicious cycle where the real emotions behind the cycle are not being addressed. My job is to help the couple find the real emotions beyond what happens when the cycle kicks in, usually expressed by secondary emotions such as anger and frustration. When the couple tune into each other they reach out and relate to one another through what are called at the primary emotions e.g. disappointment and hurt. These more vulnerable emotions help them get beyond the secondary emotions and communicate in empathy with one another at the level of the primary emotions, where they begin to hear one another and break the pattern of conflict they have fallen into. This is a proven style of therapy that works, as you are both able to put the brakes on the old familiar pattern of secondary emotions allowing yourselves to communicate as you should.